The light of my heart. Sweet little seal cub of a boy.
Two kids is the best thing that's happened to me. Sasha, my love, you have a category of your own.
Two kids seemed scary. Two kids seemed irrational and terribly expensive. Two kids just seemed crazy when you're living in London. Two bedroom shoe box, please. Yes, with a garden on top. A garden? Ha ha! You must be kidding. This is London. Pay up, suckers!
So we paid. Too much. For too big of a house, hormonal decisions are of the wrong kind. But thats all nonsense and irrelevant as we have two beautiful boys who make so much noise it sometimes seems your wits are ready to take a walk with no intention of return. This is love.
To be honest, when kids are concerned you simply can't be ready. Its a one way ticket, baby. And you're pretty much on your own. Or at least we are. You can read books, chat to your nan, borrow advice but all goes out the window when its you against the two of them and they are crying frantically for separate unknown reasons. Kids are incredibly powerful for such a small size. And our main ammunition as parents is no other but patience. Lots of it. Where to get it? I definitely need a hit every now and then.
I heard the stories that this is most certainly a hard one. One is easy, but two kids. TWO! thats a whole new game. And it sure is. But I am in love. With both of them and this love is crazy. Its quite different than loving one. Suddenly you feel depth and dimension which you weren't aware of.
And here's a thing: babies are just so damn irresistible. You end up wanting to kiss them and hug them nonstop. Why is that? I have completely forgotten about this physical craving. Its one of those things like thinking to yourself- would I ever want to be 18 again? Nah, I've done it. Bring on the future. Similar thought structure to the question: would I want to have another baby around? Nah. We are past that. We're into the world of spiderman transformers who shoot batman arrows and fly like ninjas. Nappies? Done. Nursing. Done. Pregnancy. BIRTH! No. Way.
But then it happens and you fall pregnant and the baby starts to grow and your thoughts narrow to one single mission. To get it out safely. Lets not think about what happens next. Lets skip the birth for now as that is an entirety of its own. The baby arrives. They put him on your chest- and suddenly you are in love. You are so in love you are ready to never sleep again just to make him happy. And who could have thought this was boring? Everything. Is. Exciting! Everything.
A couple of months later, you are slightly less enthusiastic about the sleepless nights but the love is still there. Going strong. It took Kolya a good two months to really get used to the idea of Alyosha around. He loved him from the start, but it was me he was instantly missing. Parenting is a full on riddle solving mission discipline and it doesn't stop. I am so grateful for this hour at 1 am in the morning that I can look back and reflect a little. Two little boys. Two souls. We are so blessed. I am so happy. Tired, exhausted, black eyed and over stressed but so damn happy.
Its been a roller- coaster of fevers, fears, tears and laughs. Hospitals, scooter rides and walking. Lots of walking. Overdosing on pediatric literature and craving a little rest. A little time to draw or to just stop and ponder without wanting to cry as it is 1 am and bam! you lose. In an hour the smallest bug will wake up angrily demanding his night feed. And then, very soon after, (the night is ever so short!) it will be time to wake up and start another day. No rest. My dearest husband is the bestest helper in the world. I thank you! Tantrums, nerves, negotiations and learning. Learning about each other. Its such a grand journey. This journey into the depths of what it takes for a boy to become a man. I am certainly very keen to find out. But deep inside I wish for the time to slow down, to enjoy each day a little longer, to stop rushing and to breathe slowly together.
The world is moving too fast, faster than 4 years ago. This time is so precious and so rare. Two fruits of fresh flesh, fresh minds and free souls. Let me remember this. Let me not forget. I love you both.
Two kids is the best thing that's happened to me. Sasha, my love, you have a category of your own.
Two kids seemed scary. Two kids seemed irrational and terribly expensive. Two kids just seemed crazy when you're living in London. Two bedroom shoe box, please. Yes, with a garden on top. A garden? Ha ha! You must be kidding. This is London. Pay up, suckers!
So we paid. Too much. For too big of a house, hormonal decisions are of the wrong kind. But thats all nonsense and irrelevant as we have two beautiful boys who make so much noise it sometimes seems your wits are ready to take a walk with no intention of return. This is love.
To be honest, when kids are concerned you simply can't be ready. Its a one way ticket, baby. And you're pretty much on your own. Or at least we are. You can read books, chat to your nan, borrow advice but all goes out the window when its you against the two of them and they are crying frantically for separate unknown reasons. Kids are incredibly powerful for such a small size. And our main ammunition as parents is no other but patience. Lots of it. Where to get it? I definitely need a hit every now and then.
I heard the stories that this is most certainly a hard one. One is easy, but two kids. TWO! thats a whole new game. And it sure is. But I am in love. With both of them and this love is crazy. Its quite different than loving one. Suddenly you feel depth and dimension which you weren't aware of.
And here's a thing: babies are just so damn irresistible. You end up wanting to kiss them and hug them nonstop. Why is that? I have completely forgotten about this physical craving. Its one of those things like thinking to yourself- would I ever want to be 18 again? Nah, I've done it. Bring on the future. Similar thought structure to the question: would I want to have another baby around? Nah. We are past that. We're into the world of spiderman transformers who shoot batman arrows and fly like ninjas. Nappies? Done. Nursing. Done. Pregnancy. BIRTH! No. Way.
But then it happens and you fall pregnant and the baby starts to grow and your thoughts narrow to one single mission. To get it out safely. Lets not think about what happens next. Lets skip the birth for now as that is an entirety of its own. The baby arrives. They put him on your chest- and suddenly you are in love. You are so in love you are ready to never sleep again just to make him happy. And who could have thought this was boring? Everything. Is. Exciting! Everything.
A couple of months later, you are slightly less enthusiastic about the sleepless nights but the love is still there. Going strong. It took Kolya a good two months to really get used to the idea of Alyosha around. He loved him from the start, but it was me he was instantly missing. Parenting is a full on riddle solving mission discipline and it doesn't stop. I am so grateful for this hour at 1 am in the morning that I can look back and reflect a little. Two little boys. Two souls. We are so blessed. I am so happy. Tired, exhausted, black eyed and over stressed but so damn happy.
Its been a roller- coaster of fevers, fears, tears and laughs. Hospitals, scooter rides and walking. Lots of walking. Overdosing on pediatric literature and craving a little rest. A little time to draw or to just stop and ponder without wanting to cry as it is 1 am and bam! you lose. In an hour the smallest bug will wake up angrily demanding his night feed. And then, very soon after, (the night is ever so short!) it will be time to wake up and start another day. No rest. My dearest husband is the bestest helper in the world. I thank you! Tantrums, nerves, negotiations and learning. Learning about each other. Its such a grand journey. This journey into the depths of what it takes for a boy to become a man. I am certainly very keen to find out. But deep inside I wish for the time to slow down, to enjoy each day a little longer, to stop rushing and to breathe slowly together.
