Its only been a few hours but I'm missing you terribly right now.
Each day to have you by my side is the biggest gift that life has brought me.
It's strange and funny, I am so much more emotional these days and all I want is for my son to be here with me. Somehow now is when I so need to bond with him on every level, within each new moment. I miss him when he is at nursery, although it gives me a little time to gather myself together mentally and physically. I miss him when he visits his father. Especially today as I know that I will not see him till Sunday. Its not long and I'm not sure why this feeling is so intense, but its somehow overpowering.
This tenderness which has grown within Kolya towards his brother in the belly is so surprising and yet something so natural when you come to think of it. Utter joy. Through his own love towards the baby ('his baby' as he tells me) he brings this great certainty and comfort to me and helps me with my fears. He comes and kisses the belly. He reaches out and hugs him and tells him things. I haven't known him like this towards myself or any other adult. There's something else within this love. Something that only little people know.
Its miraculous to witness a connection so pure and healthy unfold right in front of us. It makes it seem simple and why should it not be?
We hear too many stories of doubt and problems. They make us scared and weak and helpless.
Sure it will be difficult but that doesn't matter. We will find a way to make it joyous!
Only now I miss him so. )
But come Sunday and I will embrace his soul and kiss his cheeks. Till then. I love you.
